As reports of violence, school shootings, natural disasters and nuclear warfare become more prevalent, members of the congregation at Lime Rock Baptist Church asked what they could do to help their children cope.

LINCOLN, R.I. — As reports of violence, school shootings, natural disasters and nuclear warfare become more prevalent, members of the congregation at Lime Rock Baptist Church in Lincoln asked their pastor what they could do to help their children cope.

The Rev. Gene Dyszlewski’s answer was to bring in a speaker who conducts such programs around the state as part of her work as director of clinical innovation at Bradley Hospital. Margaret Paccione, a psychologist who has a doctorate from Fordham University, is also an assistant professor in The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University.

She is also married to Pastor Dyszlewski.

Children are incredibly resilient, she told about 17 people who wanted to be more prepared to help their children, grandchildren, other relatives or students.

When they are exposed to tragedy or trauma, even if it’s as far removed as images on television or a lockdown drill at school, they might not understand the event, the vocabulary, such as “active shooter” or “high capacity magazine” or their own feelings.

Guardians such as parents, grandparents and trusted adults can help children, Paccione said, by letting them know they’re safe, by staying calm themselves, by understanding that their child might experience unwanted emotions or return to outgrown behaviors.

Children need the security of familiar routines, and they can benefit from time set aside, such as a family meeting, to talk calmly about an event or what’s troubling them.

Without information, children are left to devise their own answers, she said, and that can be more frightening than the facts. “Nothing is more scary than the boogeyman,” she said.

Watching television with children and posing questions about what they’re seeing can help them discern the difference between advertising and the various kinds of news.

Children need adults to answer their questions as factually as possible, at a level the child can understand. Adults can show that they cry, too, and help a child with emotions, even if painful, are okay.

When a person experiences a traumatic event, the part of the brain that controls speech, memory and decisions shuts down. Only the more primitive part of the brain, which controls involuntary functions such as breathing, blinking, the release of stress chemicals and the flight, fight or freeze reactions, is functioning.

And adults can help a child return to a calmer state with stress-reducing techniques such as deep breathing or stretching.

The five best words in the world, she said, are: “How can I help you?”

Coping with a traumatic event takes time, the group sitting in the sanctuary was told. Children will absorb what they can handle, a little at a time, then drop the subject and return to it later.

Humor helps, Paccione said. When their daughter was growing up, “I came to learn that her whole ability to express herself is connected to the ignition of the car.”

She recommended resources such as FriendsWay.org, which helps children deal with the death of a person close to them, and the Mental Health First Aid class, that teaches people how to respond to a person having a mental health moment or crisis.

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