An Olympic-Sized Lesson on Dealing with Disappointment

I don’t know about you, but I was practically glued to my TV in the evenings during the two weeks of the Olympic games in London. I am fascinated by how skilled these athletes from all around the world have become through their hard work, focus, and determination.

Of course, it’s easy to have a good attitude when you’re happy with your performance. But what about the athletes who didn’t perform as well as they had hoped to?  While you’ll probably never compete for a gold medal on the international stage, you will find yourself facing failure, dissatisfaction, and regret at various points in your life. And how you choose to respond to those negative circumstances will set the tone for the way others see you, and most importantly, for your overall quality of life.

Here are my thoughts on how you can learn to be easier on yourself when you’re facing one of life’s failures.

*Get some perspective. The next time you mess up, try to harness the power of perspective and force yourself to put your misstep into context. Often, you’ll realize that what you’re upset about is a mere drop in the bucket, and that you have a lot more to take pride in.

*Put someone else in your shoes. If you’re like many people, you berate yourself for being so inept when something goes wrong – which is surely can do – you tell yourself that you were worthless, and become convinced that everything would go downhill from here. Take a moment and think about how you’d react to a friend in the same situation. Then try to extend the same grace to yourself. The voice and opinion you hear most often is your own, and what you tell yourself can make or break the quality of your life.

*Make a list of your successes. Most of us do at least one hundred things right for every one thing we do wrong. But because we tend to focus on these failures, we magnify them in our own minds and reinforce to ourselves just how “subpar” we think we are. When you start to dwell on a mistake, force yourself to name at least five things you did today that were good.

*Surround yourself with cheerleaders. The words you tell yourself are important, but what you hear from other people can also make or break your attempts to handle failures in a positive manner. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with a team of personal “cheerleaders” who build you up and encourage you.

*Remind yourself that you’re normal. In the midst of a culture obsessed with perfection, it may come as a shock to realize that failure, at least some of the time, is normal and inevitable! Mistakes are a fact of life, and you have about as much chance of avoiding them as you do of being able to stop breathing.

*Learn from the mistake and move on. It’s natural to go through a period of sadness, disappointment, frustration, and even grief after failing to realize a goal or dream. But eventually, for the sake of your health, your outlook, and your future, you have to find a way to forgive yourself and move forward. As I’m sure Olympic athletes are taught to do, channel your energy into shaping the future instead of lamenting the past.

*Celebrate whenever you can. Make a habit of noticing and celebrating your successes. Look at your self-esteem and self-confidence as a bank account, this is a great way to make deposits. And the next time you do mess up, you’ll be less likely to think you’re the most inept person on the planet.

*Fake it ’til you make it. Yes, it’s important to acknowledge and process all of your emotions. Try to react to setbacks with dignity, composure, and even optimism for the future—even if you’re tempted to lash out or vent your frustrations. Strive to become not only a better loser, but also a better winner. Both are characterized by humility, empathy, and the knowledge that no one is perfect.

It saddens me that the lion’s share of Olympic accolades is reserved only for the gold medal winners, while the silver and bronze recipients typically receive very little coverage. Worst of all, fourth, fifth, etc. finishes are portrayed as losses. That’s fourth or fifth place in the whole world—a tremendous accomplishment!

If you’re thinking that it’s just too difficult to change the way you think and react, and that you don’t want to put in the effort it will take to be easier on yourself, remember this: Your children will grow up to be like you. They will develop their attitudes and outlooks based on yours. So if you won’t change how you treat yourself for your own sake, do it for your kids…and for their kids after them.

Todd Patkin is an entrepreneur and philanthropist based in Foxboro, Massachusetts. Patkin is the author of “Finding Happiness – One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and – Finally – Let The Sunshine In”.  He speaks on national radio and TV, and travels the country delivering his message on how each of us can choose to be happy and how to accomplish it.  www.toddpatkin.com.  Todd will be speaking at the SNE Women’s Expo on September 30th at Twin River in Lincoln.

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